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This article covers the transcript from the season 4 episode Josh Is Done.
Script[]
Crazy Steve: Excuse me, Josh? I'm having a little trouble with the popcorn machine, would you mind giving me a hand?
Josh: Well, I'm not working tonight. So, could you ask someone else?
Crazy Steve: SURE! [flips over Era screaming Eric's chair, and snatches Craig's hot dog] You... [throws frank across the lobby, returns the bun to Craig before facing Josh] THANKS FOR NOTHING! [runs off]
Eric: [gets back up] What's the matter with him?!
Craig: Why'd he chuck my wiener?
[While the group processes the situation, Drake arrives and pulls up a seat next to Josh.]
Drake: S'up, people?
Leah: Hi, Drake.
Drake: So Josh, tonight I'm thinking we either see She's the Dude, or Just My Truck.
Leah: I heard both those movies were awful.
Drake: Yeah, that's the point. See, the first Tuesday of every month, me and Josh see the worst movie out there. We call it "Bad Movie Tuesday." [to Josh] So which one do you wanna see?
Josh: Actually, we're going to see a laser light show downtown.
Eric: Oh yeah, we better get going.
[The group begins to leave]
Drake: [to Josh] Dude, it's been like five days. When are you gonna stop being mad at me?
Josh: I told you, I'm not mad at you. I'm done with you.
Drake: Josh...
Josh: I mean it. [follows the group]
[Drake stands in disappointment at his failure to rekindle his brotherhood with Josh. Meanwhile, an old lady walks in the lobby, holding Craig's frank that Crazy Steve threw away.]
Old Lady: [to her friend] No, I was just walking out of the theater and it landed in my hand. [takes a bite]
[The scene cuts to commercial break]
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Josh: You enjoy your popcorn.
Customer: And you, keep the change. [happily pays Josh a tip]
Josh: Wow, a $6 tip, that's so nice.
Customer: [happily] You're very welcome. [walks to the theater]
[Josh grabs cleaning solution and heads over to wipe down the tables. Craig and Eric enter the lobby, and approach Josh.]
Eric: Hey Josh, you left your rash cream in my glove compartment.
Josh: Keep it.
Eric: Huh?
Josh: My rash went away.
Craig: You've had that rash for three years.
Eric: Why would it just go away all of a sudden?
Josh: I'm not sure, Dr. Fishbaum says it could have been stress related.
Craig: Ah.
Eric: Wait, when did you first notice it was gone?
Josh: About a week ago.
Eric: So, just about the time you kicked Drake out of your life?
Josh: [nods] Yeah. [returns to the concession stand]
Crazy Steve: So, how was your racket ball game with Helen?
Josh: Awesome, I beat her two games out of three.
Leah: [surprised] You beat Helen?
Crazy Steve: She's a pro.
Josh: I know, I was just on fire.
Crazy Steve: Fire! FIRE!!! [sprays himself in the face with cleaning solution]
Josh: No, no, no! There's no fire, there's no fire! [pulls Crazy Steve in and pets his head to calm him down] Just take a breath, take a breath. In, out, in, out, alright.
[Crazy Steve, now calm, separates from Josh and proceeds to hug the cash register. Drake enters the lobby and goes to the concession stand, not looking too happy.]
Drake: Hello, Josh.
Josh: Hi, Drake.
Craig: [to Drake] Why are you all sweaty?
Drake: [angrily] I'm all sweaty, because I ran out of gas and had to walk all the way over here, because somebody forgot to fill up the car!
Josh: It's not my responsibility to fill the car with gas.
Drake: You always fill up the car!
Josh: Used to. Now, I put in just enough gas for myself.
Drake: Well, good! You know, good for you! I DON'T NEED YOUR GAS! And just so you know, I'm gonna go see a movie right now, and I don't need a free ticket from you, because Mom paid me 10 bucks to get outta the house! So, I don't need you for anything. [goes to buy a ticket]
Leah: Movie tickets here, are $11.
Drake: What?!
Eric: And popcorn and soda are gonna cost you another 6 or 7.
Drake: D'oh! You know what? I'm not even gonna buy a ticket, I'm just going in! [storms off towards the theater] Alright, just going right in! [yells in an usher's face as he walks into the theater.]
Josh: [clears throat as he pulls out a walkie-talkie] Security, we got a problem in Theater 7: male, Caucasian, sweaty, wearing a grey sweatshirt. [puts walkie-talkie away and turns back to the group] So, what's the difference between a hoagie and a submarine sandwich?
Crazy Steve: I always thought a hoagie was a hot sandwich, and a submarine could be served hot or cold.
Craig: No, I think it's the other way around.
Eric: Okay well, what's a grinder?
Leah: Same thing as a hoagie.
Drake: [getting dragged by security guards] Hey! Hey, let go, let go! Josh, Josh, tell them! Let me go! Josh, Josh, tell him! Tell him, don't look away! I know this guy, I know this guy! Ask him, ask him.
Security Guard: [to Josh] Is this guy a friend of yours?
Josh: [pauses] No, he's not.
Drake: [frustrated] Josh?! Oh, you're gonna regret this, Josh! You need me! YOU NEED ME!!! [guards drag him outside]
Josh: [to the group] So, hoagie and a grinder, same thing, huh?
Leah, Crazy Steve, Eric, & Craig: [all talking at once in agreement] Yes./That's right./Uh-huh./Yeah.
Crazy Steve: All in the sandwich family.
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